Breaking Sad: What to Say After Loss, What Not to Say, and When to Just Show Up by Shelly Fisher

Author:Shelly Fisher
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: She Writes Press
Published: 2017-08-10T16:00:00+00:00

Advice for someone going through a similar experience:

Make sure they know you care about them and you’re there if they need to talk, but don’t pressure them to speak.

Offer to take them places or to do things that remind them there is still a world out there and they are still very much a part of it.

* * *

Teresa’s Russet Cowgirl Boots

| E. G. Moore |

Never before had I heard Rusty whinny so pitifully. Normally, my sister Teresa’s horse was full of attitude and rebellion. But the afternoon of June 1, 2006, he bowed his head low and haunted the gate like a ghost. Somehow, he sensed Teresa’s death.

Earlier that day Teresa’s best friend, Amanda, had taken her for a four-wheeler ride up a dirt road a half a mile from our home in the eastern hills of Hayfork, California. On the way back, Amanda skidded on loose rock and the vehicle careened down an embankment, smashing my sister against a tree. Despite protective gear, Teresa’s small frame took a hit that caused fatal internal bleeding. When my family received the autopsy and alcohol reports twenty-four hours later, the results shocked us. Teresa liked to drink occasionally, as did Amanda, and all of us assumed that when one drank, the other partook as well. But Teresa’s blood came back clean, while Amanda’s alcohol level was illegal. The state charged her with manslaughter, rocking the Hayfork community as people debated whether to blame Amanda for Teresa’s death or to support her as she writhed in guilt for killing her best friend.

Teresa embodied the kind of country teen who lived for the heat of the day and the love of her animals. Absent a school project or things to gossip about with her friends, she stayed busy mucking out pens or taking Rusty for a ride. She always sported blue jeans, a plain spaghetti strap tank, a brightly colored visor, and her cherished pair of russet cowgirl boots. While Rusty dominated her animal world, Teresa successfully cajoled our parents to take in two 4H steers, a 4H pig, a mutt named Cody, and her purebred chocolate lab, Jake. Gradually, she built a small hobby farm on my parents’ land. Every pet, even my mom’s two cranky old tomcats, adored her.

Now, as I stood on the family porch watching Cody and Jake pace in the eastern pasture, I realized it wasn’t just Rusty who sensed my baby sister’s absence. Dad had penned the dogs so they wouldn’t bother the family friends, classmates of Teresa, and Hayfork High School teachers flowing through our house to offer their condolences. My parents embraced all the help and love. I, on the other hand, ached for solitude and prayer. Days like this were her favorite, I thought as sobs bubbled up in my chest.

Life carried on, and with it joy reawakened, a feeling no one expects to experience again when they miss a loved one. Losing my sister forced me to face that the love I felt for my best friend, Nolan, was far more than platonic.

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